A letter to my dear son - My little knight in shining armor - My little bug
As you grow older there are some things I'd like you to know... Rules to live by, things to think about and point to ponder....So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt - but I hope to inspire you to be loving, and end the needless struggle through life, yet live with pride, gusto and solid ambition.
At this point I am STILL the most important woman in your life; you first teacher, and the one you will look to for permission for the rest of your life (whether or not you choose to admit this to yourself or not).
Being your momma is a big job, and I am up for it!
1. I am taking the time to teach the words for how you feel. -- USE them!
There will be times when you will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment, or cry from fear.
Emotion is GOOD but always use the appropriate response to that emotion. I will always talk to you and with you about my feelings and yours to help you understand where they come from and what they mean, and I hope someday when you are grown, you will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. I will ALWAYS be the GREATEST supporter of your life
I am certain at this point you are well aware that I am the loudest person in the stands at t-ball games, karate assessments and races. I have NO doubt that at some point you will say, "stop, mom" when I sing along to your garage band's lyrics. And you will get red-faced when I show your prom date your pictures from boy scouts. I also KNOW that there is no doubt that you are NOT telling your prom date about our family blog where I've been bragging about your life from BEFORE your very first breathe to your first use of the potty to the citizenship award you won in ninth grade. I am certain you will tell me to stop, you will say you're embarrassed.... But you will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for you.
3. I will teach you how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and boil water. Although I am certain you may not always choose to do it, and may not ever have to do it. But someday your wife will thank me.
4. I will always read to you and with you.
As an educator it is just in my nature to constantly offer you the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. This is why I have let you catch me reading and writing. I want you to understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever.
5. I want you to dance...
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three. It doesn't have to be good. Just know I encourage you that when you feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move. Someday we'll both chuckle over the dances we created in the living room or the "new walk" you made three times a week... Don't lose that desire to be free, the will to be imaginative or the understanding that life is a dance.
6. I will spend my time providing for you GREAT examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman or Mr. Incredible) have surrounded you from birth. But I want to be certain you know about men who kick butt because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Gandhi), and their determination (Lance Armstrong or Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Nelson Mandela, Dwight D Eishenhower, or Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson). Of course together we have pointed out a great number of men possessing these traits and will continue to recognize solid character well into your adulthood.
7. I will also provide you examples of woman who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Taylor Swift, Princess Rapunzel, and Britney Spears) have surrounded you from birth, but I also will be certain you are aware that beauty is only skin deep, that real character is displayed through actions and that you continue to surround yourself with people who possess these character traits. I know you will recognize the women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Sarah Palin), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).
8. I have tried my whole life, even BEFORE your birth to be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
I know someday you will appreciate all that I have done for you (made a pain go away with a kiss; taught you to read and eat with a utensil, cleaned up diarrhea without gagging from a BRAND new carpet, found a way to be strong when you were suffering and loved you enough to be willing to give my life).
9. I have TRIED to teach you to have manners
Because its nice and it will make the world a little better of a place. I am certain you have never gone long without a please or a thank-you...I am certain you will work on the "excuse me's" for some time to come
10. I have given you a GREAT God to believe in
Because someday you will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need me, and for whatever the reason I "may" not be able to be there... For these reasons, I have taught you about our Lord, and given you somewhere to turn when it feels like you is alone, so that you knows that you will never be alone; never, never, never.
11. I have taught you that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings. I know as the 'rough and tumble' boy that you are, this is one you may have some struggles with.... except of course with babies. I have never seen a 'tougher' little man turn to mush so quickly as you when you see a little baby. Some men, my dear, like you, are born to be fathers.
12. I have and I WILL continue to let you ruin your clothes
I have resolved to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes, as there are always more t-shirts and jeans, and although money does not grow on trees it also (like fansy clothes) does not buy happiness. I know with a boy like you (full of ...vinegar) I'll be fighting a losing battle if I got upset every time you ruin another piece of clothing. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course, just keep the mud off me...k?
13. I learned how to throw a football for you AND
how to use a hockey stick, read music, draw Mickey, the names of different heavenly bodies, perfect my sign language, and the lyrics to your favorite songs. I have done my BEST to be in your life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
14. I will continue to go outside with you
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put my cellphone on the charger, even put my camera away. I have presently decided to put more effort into just going outside and following you AROUND. Leaving the camera inside will be the toughest part as seeing you outside in nature is beautiful.
15. I have let you lose and for good reason.
Losing stinks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even though I have wanted to say, "You're a winner because you tried," I resisted. That is not the kind of man I'd like to raise. And I am certain I know how you feel when you do lose, I have lost. I KNOW you feel like a winner, you feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also stinks, no matter how hard (as your mom) I try to make it not stink for my kids. I do know that losing now, will do you good later when you loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) I think I have begun to instill in you the understanding that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.
16. I will do my best to create opportunities for you to help others.
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. I intend and WHOLE-HEARTILY try to give you the opportunity and light the flame in your heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities. I have attempted to be an example of helping others in my own actions by helping friends whenever I think thy might need help, and donating what I can to those in need.
17. I want you to know that practice does NOT make perfect, BUT it does make just about anything BETTER.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. I have shown you this when you were just young enough to understand, by practicing trick-or-treating at our own bedroom door before the real thing. We have practiced how you will walk through airport security before each trip. Practice how you greet friends and parents at play-dates and events. Practice, practice, practice.
18. No matter how many times you ask "how" or "why", I always have and will answer you no matter how frustrated I may get.
If I do not have an answer for you, I WILL search for the answer with you and show you the places to look for the answers (like dad, or your grandparents, or your books, or valid internet searches). I will always teach you to do these things for yourself, and pose the question to you so you can begin thinking about answers yourself. Someday, when you needs to ask questions you're too embarrassed to ask me - you'll know where to go to find the right answers --- And that will make me smile.
19. Knowing you and your adventurous nature, YOU have taught me something --- I will always carry band-aids, ice-packs, hand sanitizer and wipes on me....especially the wipes.
20. I, of course want to teach you everything, but there are some things that I want to let dad teach you....without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' I'll let dad show and teach and discover with you while you are growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of believing dad knows nothing), you will come to the realization that dad knows everything. I will always be your mother, but in your grown-up man heart and mind, dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when you are too busy with life to call and chat with me, I will stay connected to what is happening in your life. Because you will call dad for answers, and dad will secretly come and ask me.
21. I have given you MANY ways to release your EXTREME energy.
A yard to run, drums to play, a punching bag, water, and a dog. I have and will continue to give you things to go crazy with (the duck you beat, bubbles, sword fighting with daddy) - or I fear you will use my stuff. And then I'll be sorry.
22. Together we will continue to build forts!
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic. We've tossed the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and transformed our living room into the cave of wonders. For the rest of your life, I am certain, you'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
23. Your father and I will always take you to new places (and Trina too).
Because it will make your brain and your heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.
24. I will kiss you until you are embarrassed of me, and then... I'll do it anyway.
Little boys are so loving and sweet and YOU take the cake! You can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day, but there are these moments when you are so kind and sensitive and tender so much so that it can cause me to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in my life and think, 'what happens in between that made them lose that?' And so, my goal is to try to stop the cycle by kissing you when you're loving and kissing you even more when you're wild. I have kissed you when you were 2 months and I will be kissing you when you're 16 years old. I'm the mom - I can go ahead and kiss you no matter how big you gets - and I want to make sure you know it.
25. Forever and always I will be your home base.
I will be home to you. When you learned to walk, you wobbled a few feet away from me and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When you try something new, you will look for my proud smile. Now that you are learning to read, you have wanted to repeat the same book to me twenty times in a row, because I'm the only one who will listen that many times. When you go to karate or perhaps try new sports in the future, you will search for my face in the stands. When you is sick, you will call me. When you really mess up, you will call me. When you are grown and strong and tough and big and you feel like crying, you will come to me; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when you grow up and have a new woman in your life and get a new home, I am still your mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. I know that in my heart and everything else will fall into place.
